Apologies

La voix de Hobo voudrais présenter mes excuses pour son absence. Busy personnes ont d'importantes choses à faire.

Examens, les femmes, l'argent, les femmes ...

In ze meantime, do sit back, and enjoy zis video depicting what vill happens when you fail to stop eating vhile the food is hot. Now will someone call the NCPG.

One for the Tooseday.

We have a sneaky perturbed feeling that someone isn't letting Singaporeans in on the real truth after reading this article.

The last line does send shivers down our spine.



In other news, in view of someone's birthday next week, the poor chap will get crackered prehumously this Sunday after our game. Eggs, flour and stuffed oranges are optional.



Celebrations will be overseen by the masters of the "Double Camel Slam", the creator of the painful "Date Seed Combo" and the architects of the deadly finishing move "I Will Buy Your Football Club", the newly crowned WWE Asian Tag Team Champions,






...Sheikh Sheikh Golek !!!

Why so jumpy?

Here's a suggestion, why not the public funds from persecuting them be to better use? Say...I dunno, sponsorship of FC Hobo for the next 1000 seasons?

We are however unable to confirm the exact nature of the charge, though sources say it has all to do with the man in the middle.

"Chapter 489 Par. 84 Line 3 of the Personal Grooming Edict 1965, Failure to Maintain a Semi-Decent Hair Style."

"R2, Cap 214, Rule 12(1), Abolishment of the Floppy Side Parting."





Heh heh heh.

As promised, we bring you the exclusive footage of FC Hobo's secret to success.

Hang on to your seats, prepare to cringe, its the Maccer's 3 A.M. Wasabe Snorting Exercise!Designed to improve an athlete's respiratory ability by expanding the nasal cavity, side effects include improved blood circulation for speedy recovery, enhanced tearing capability to cleanse the internal hydration process, and high amounts of performance-inducing minerals for direct muscle stimulation!

Proven to bring you instant results!

Try it today, and we'll bundle in the guy in the hat just for kicks. He'll do anything for $5!

Sign up for FC Hobo's Pre-Matchday Training Exercise Programme and receive not one, not two, not three, but 5, that's right, 5 Master Trainers for your first session, absolutely FREE! They will personally go through with you in detail regarding proper posture, recommended attire, the importance of mental strength and the pertinence of the lack of nasal hair in order to achieve maximum result for your investment.

So Act now!

Of acting your age and cleaning your nose.

The Voice of Hobo must truly commend the attitude and behaviour of all the players who attended yesterday, despite many coming from Hari Raya Outings, Open Houses and taking time off studying for semestral exams.

-Damiri
-Prass
-Mirza
-Arep
-Khairul
-Syah
-Harun
-Hafiz Arep
-Johan Arep
-Meen
-Hilmi Z
-KY
-Johor
-Djourou
-Benzema
-Rooney


[Here's a life lesson for those who choose the red pill:

The mark of a true alpha is not how wildly you swing your arms around, not how loud you raise your voice, not how blonde your hair is, not how foul your words are and most definitely not how you moronically put down a fellow man, physically or verbally.

A true alpha needs not assurance of his masculinity. He does not desperately seek approval for his behaviour.

He is in absolute control of his speech, actions, thoughts and emotions.]


Now, enough of all that, onto the next chapter.

Postus Mortumus: 20080912

For the Match Report submitted to ESPZEN, click HERE.

For the same version, unadulterated to meet ISO 9002 standards, read on.

Let's get something very clear.

-FC Hobo is not in the business of telling people how to cook their eggs. It is after all, their meal.

-Neither is FC Hobo gonna bother if someone comes along to unwisely scramble our eggs.

-All FC Hobo knows is that the egg will land on our plates and not on our faces.

We came into the game with one objective, victory, regardless of cost, regardless of what the opponent decides to flick out the window, unless we're talking about a cow being flung straight at us at 95km/h, then I mayyyyy just consider taking back that last line.

With a strong metaframe set-up in the pre-game talk, it was very apparent that very little could distract us from coming away with what mattered, the victory and the points, flying cows aside-which they probably could have really used. In fact, some cows do occasionally tend to have good manners.

2 goals from debutant Hafiz and another from our resident fire-fighter Md Noor aka Meen -- An outstanding effort from outside the box, won the game for us.

But what really sealed the game, was the professional attitude of the Hobos, perhaps derived from such an intense yearning to win and not engage in any verbal/physical flim flam.

It was apparent that LCN FC really wanted victory as well and were definitely prepared to engage in a Fair, Clean and Sportsmanly affair-even after conceding. They had an outstanding player in the form of player number 99, who's ball keeping/winning abilities in the middle of the park, kept our midfielders busy throughout the game. He definitely stood out and is mention worthy. Good job. Number 4 too, had a really throat-drying game for some personal reason unknown only to himself and perhaps members of his non-existent posse.

For what its worth, we @ FC Hobo would like to wish Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin to our opponents and their families. For we Hobos are glad to still be able to celebrate and enjoy Hari Raya after meet-the-studs sessions you arranged for everyone on the pitch.

Assalamualaikum.

The Voice of Hobo would now like to take this opportunity to thank whoever the artist, who put a delightful temporary tatoo of 3 round guises onto his left knee, forcing him out early in the game, for he engineered the victory to greater effect from the sidelines, while waiting for the ink to dry. Such an amazing talent for non-permanent body art.

FC Hobo Releases its top secret training video!

Coming Soon...

The video that will shock the footballing world.

The video that will keep you glued to your seats for more.

The video that will make you gasp and cringe in utter disbelief.

The video that will make you say "Fhat The Wuck!!!" followed by "I gotta try that!!!"



The secret behind our sweet victory earlier today.

All will be revealed.

Stay tuned.


Hintwords: Japanese,green,ronald,ticket,nasal

Quarterly General Meeting: 20081007

Members Present: Karim Benzema, Didinho Johor, Johan Djourou, Wayne Rooney
Make Believe Venue: The Post Bar, Fullerton Hotel
Real Venue: The Round Smoking Table, Mr. Prata

Over a cup of Teh O Gajah in a classy huge mug, in the cosy setting of our heartlands, low ceiling rotating fans, amidst an up-market crowd in dressy attire (baju kurongs) and surrounded by fine southern indian dining, concocted by Master Chef Tamiwaring Apron, FC Hobos EXCOs held a meeting to discuss on pertinent and relevant issues, such as club direction, season's targets, possible player expansion, the imminent financial crisis in the States and how its affecting our decision to purchase a new football or otherwise, player positioning and how to get the best of our lads, player morale, avoiding player turnover, and our financial officer Benzema giving a wrap up of our books. That was a friggin long sentence.

We are very happy to declare, that FC Hobo is in a financially strong position to overcome any economic strife, as we are free from sub-prime loans and have the backing of the MAS to further bolster our position as the most well organized, satirical, eye-popping and non typically-boringly-predictable-copycat-ohmygodimyawning club in the league.

In fact, our financial advisors have recommended that this is the perfect time FC Hobo Investment & Securities of Hobo (F.I.S.H.), make a move and strike while the iron is hot. Several clubs have declared themselves to be open for a takeover in a desperate attempt to stay afloat.

F.I.S.H. has already made a formal bid to takeover a sub-conference division club in Fiji, promising their board and their fans a healthy transfer kitty of $26.30 for them to splurge in the off season.

Several transfer targets include former England International Paul Gascoigne, one-time rising star of Man Utd Luke Chadwick, Player turned manager turned player turned manager turned player Matthew Le Tissier and an ambitious attempt to lure Juande Ramos as manager, convincing him that its time he goes somewhere he can't possibly f*!k things up anymore. His assistant, Gustavo Poyet will be signed as the Groundsman.

Now for the Hokkien Phrase of the Day.

“kam lan”

direct translation - ‘to fellate’

real meaning - an expression added into questions to denote something ridiculous or defies logical understanding

eg: “Lu choaa lu eh bor chut lai kam lan aa ??” [translation : “Why the hell do you bring along your wife ??”]

Midweek Soul Food: Carnegie's Fundamental Ways of Handling People

[The following is an excerpt from an article in FC Hobo's Decadial, Self-Help Publication, "Two Balls For Life", featuring an interview with the Guru of taking other people's well thought ideas and interpreting them as if it were his own, Datuk Dr. Balboal Buih.]

In this challenging world of individuals jousting for power, respect, status, more facebook apps, more friendster comments or more website hits, it is imperative that everyone in this magnificent team, and all its discerning readers, take moment to centre themselves.

Thats right, close your eyes, do some light meditation. Listen to your breathing. Listen to it. Now listen.

1> Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

Or in the modern sense, don't whine, bitch, or grump - over anything, or anyone. Make it your number 1 principle in life, which cannot be broken no matter what the circumstance. And if you ever do have to, ensure it be for constructive outcomes, and attach a disclaimer before doing so.

"Dude, Its not that I wanna bitch and talk behind XXX's back, but his passing skills are just not up to the mark. I suggest he play as a right winger because he has good pace."

Failure to do so, reduces your value in the eyes of the other person. Personally, whenever someone does that around me, I make an automatic mental note to stay the hell away from him/her and to try and date his/her sister.

Remember, when you whine or complain about anything, its simply YOUR perception of events, and NOT the absolute truism of the situation. Try it today, and hold on to it for the rest of your life.


2> Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Humans have an innate ability to distinguish between a sincere gesture, as opposed to someone blowing smoke up their ass. Keep your thank yous, your sorries, your pat on the back, your compliments and your annoying laughter to a really un-funny joke in your pocket. Use it wisely. Be stingy with it even.

Cos when you actually do dish it out, pray its gonna be because you know you truly mean it.


3>Never attempt at gaining respect, (or getting into a woman's pants for that matter) by approval seeking comments or behaviour.

"Oh wow, that chick's friggin smokin'. Man I'd do anything for her just so that she'll talk to me and play with my.......hair. I'd tell her how gorgeous she is, how sweet she smells, how I'd cross the ocean of fire for her, how I'd take a taxi down to her void deck whenever she has an argument with her mum, or bf. I'd lie in a puddle of my own pee just so that her feet doesn't get wet....."

Now dudes and dudettes included, unless that chick happens to be Fiona Xie, Scarlet Johansson or Megan Fox, keep your dignity in one piece. Respect the other person only as much as you would think he/she would respect you.

Believe that your worth is equal to anyone you may perchance interact with. Place noone on a pedestal.

-Speak Slowly. Speak Clearly.
-Stand/Sit Up Straight.
-Look into the Persons Eyes while Conversing.
-Acknowledge the Other Persons Comments before Shooting off your own.

Simple steps. Try it today for 10 easy payments of $69.90.




...To be cot'd.
[This is not a gimmick for you to keep on re-visiting in hope of more.]

Treadium Footballium Valium Dahmandiblum

The usual drill, for the full match report of this morning's game, click HERE.

I think all that needs to be said, has been said, and if there were to be anything else to be said, you probably won't find it said in the said full match report.

To those who couldn't quite be present just now due to emergencies, commitments or morning sickness, we know you feel bad about it. Its alright. To make yourself feel better, do transfer a token sum of $250.00 to our treasurer's account as a gesture of genuine apology. The money will go a long long way into funding our year end Dinner and Dance to be held at a yet to be confirmed MSCP rooftop. From what we understand, Punggol has some decent ones with gardens and stuff.

Remember dokes, for every man who is called-up, there are 1 and a half of others that were not. Renungkanlah.

RIP: Joshua Benjamin Jeyaretnam

Click HERE to know more about the Unofficial State Memoriam.

Click HERE if you have no idea who the chap this. And then kick yourself, really, really hard.

Mince not our words, credits has to go, where credit is due, "mutton-chops" aside.

Notus Fortacus

Dear Saint West Angel Team FC and FC Hobo Football Club:


Kindly note that Saint West Angel Team FC is unable to field a team for the scheduled fixture below:

Date: 19/10/2008
Pitch: First Toa Payoh Secondary School
Kick Off Time: 1100hrs

A new fixture will be assigned and you may check the website for further updates. All teams are reminded that they can only postpone ONE game in the season – after which the game must be played or walkover will be awarded as per the rules and regulations.




Latest email from ESPZen. Take note gentlemen.


Regards,
The Horrible Morning Voice of Hobo.

Amidst the colourful clothes and glittering sparklers

If you happen to have a copy of the Newpaper dated today, 1st of October, do turn to the second or third page, where they ran a column, depicting the tale of a mother, with a handful of school going kids, facing Hari Raya with a bare home, little food and less so new clothes.

With a recurrent drug addict husband, and 2 older sons who are forced to skip school to work at KFC to make ends meet, the Voice of Hobo has this to say:


These are the cases/people/families whom deserve our help.


We have not shelved our plans to part with a portion, and pool together our latest GST credits, for a more deserving cause. The only issue, as discussed and tossed around over again, would be the beneficieries, and, the currency of our contribution, cash, vouchers, food items etc etc...

Homes, orphanages, or designated welfare organizations are chartered charities whom regardless, have means of financing their operations.
A mother, working part-time at a factory, earning $40 dollars per shift, with bills to pay, food to provide, and 3 school going kids to lose sleep over, unfortunately does not.

To us Hobos, remember, sometimes, its just about doing the right thing, so I hope you haven't spent all that excess cash on zheng-ing your car/bike. Its a hell of alot better than giving out blind alms to rows of people outside the mosque every morning of every year of every Hari Raya.


To All Our Readers:

If you do know of any such cases, or pleas for help, and happen to be reading this, do reach out to us @ fc.hobo@gmail.com. We are more than glad to extend a helping hand, cos at FC Hobo, we're more than just a football team.


Despite this space being a true democracy with true freedom of speech (not limited to a plot of land), we would like to extend our sincerest apologies to anyone's toes we probably have stepped, feelings we definitely have grazed, and chicks we've driven crazy with our mojo.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.



Voice of Hobo, Out