Get off your arses, turn off First Class or Calefare or whatever it is Mediacorp tries to pass off as comedy, (but The Noose isn't actually too bad),
Digest this!
Monday, September 29, 2008
The Sexy Librarian
With the American Presidential Elections just a whisker away, its time for all of us Hobos, to take a moment, and understand the true implications of the result for the rest of the world.
As such, fchobo.blogspot.com will be running feature articles and materials, for the satirical consumption of all. Luckily for us, such material cannot be found in local context, cos when it comes to our beloved country, choosing our leaders is made so so so much easier with the help, of GRCs.
Yes yes, minority race representation, but seriously, Massa-gos(F1 theme) who?
Enjoy.
As such, fchobo.blogspot.com will be running feature articles and materials, for the satirical consumption of all. Luckily for us, such material cannot be found in local context, cos when it comes to our beloved country, choosing our leaders is made so so so much easier with the help, of GRCs.
Yes yes, minority race representation, but seriously, Massa-gos(F1 theme) who?
Enjoy.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Reich Right?
Okay this may have been tremendously outdated, but its worth sharing. Enjoy, you Hobos.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Postus Mortumus
After managing to make it to the nearby A&E for an IV drip, the Voice of Hobo returns, re-hydrated, yet severely parched after nearly suffering a heat stroke after yesterday's scorcher of a game @ 11 bloody AM.
For the match report, click HERE.
As brought up in the post-match analysis, despite having our nose hairs ripped out by the opponents, the general consensus would be such that we definitely gave it a go, unlike the other ass whooping on our records, (Ehem, think back to MJC), where our players gave up and played like headless chickens filing up to the abattoir, waiting to be powdered with 11 secret herbs and spices.
Hope everyone recovers well after the game. I would like to thank all who came in the first place, and to those who didn't but were supposed to, as the rest of the team has been informed...
...once Didi texts you regarding your match availability for a certain date, do reply ASAP. Do not have this primadonna attitude of thinking the team needs you so bad, we're willing to bend over backwards to accommodate your teeny prick. The same goes to last minute cancellations, there shouldnt be any. If you can't make it, then say you can't dammit. We've a good handful just waiting on the sidelines for a call-up, yet denied cos you took it up first. Take this as a precaution. Let it not repeat itself. The Voice of Hobo is not a stern person by nature, in fact, he's really bloody handsome and resembles Hayden Christensen.
But before I go, whenever you do have the time, do check out the podcasts @ www.mrbrownshow.com (Its bloody hilarious)
The Voice of Hobo out.
For the match report, click HERE.
As brought up in the post-match analysis, despite having our nose hairs ripped out by the opponents, the general consensus would be such that we definitely gave it a go, unlike the other ass whooping on our records, (Ehem, think back to MJC), where our players gave up and played like headless chickens filing up to the abattoir, waiting to be powdered with 11 secret herbs and spices.
Hope everyone recovers well after the game. I would like to thank all who came in the first place, and to those who didn't but were supposed to, as the rest of the team has been informed...
...once Didi texts you regarding your match availability for a certain date, do reply ASAP. Do not have this primadonna attitude of thinking the team needs you so bad, we're willing to bend over backwards to accommodate your teeny prick. The same goes to last minute cancellations, there shouldnt be any. If you can't make it, then say you can't dammit. We've a good handful just waiting on the sidelines for a call-up, yet denied cos you took it up first. Take this as a precaution. Let it not repeat itself. The Voice of Hobo is not a stern person by nature, in fact, he's really bloody handsome and resembles Hayden Christensen.
But before I go, whenever you do have the time, do check out the podcasts @ www.mrbrownshow.com (Its bloody hilarious)
The Voice of Hobo out.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Today's Friendly Match, and the Iftar (To be Politically Correct: Communal Dinner) Afterwards
To all the Hobos who made it down for the Friendly match just now, the Voice of Hobo Salutes You. We played a relaxed, enjoyable and entertaining match, which somehow exposed the extreme positives and the useful negatives under the pre-text of a non-result oriented atmosphere.
The game was played in our non-conventional formation of 4-4-2, as we attempt to finally attack and defend as a unit, and not 2 separate entities, which proved to bear, well, interesting results.
The match ended in victory of course, with the following players in the fore-mentioned positions:-
GK - Damiri
Produced an outstanding save from a header, diving low to his left to tip the ball around the post. Truly world class, his confidence growing with more game time being granted. Keep it up big panda. (Come on, 4K for your KTM400 is a reasonable offer man)
CB - Sophan and Pras
The former being tried in a new position, while the latter makes a Hobo debut. The former kept misjudging headers, while we hope the latter will sign for Hobo on a permanent basis. But impressive debuts are kind of a Hobo curse. Hmmmm.
LB & RB - Manfred & Samir
Manfred has a sweet left foot, thumping in a free kick from God knows how far out, which the GK made a mess off. Proved to be useful, given the only non-fasting player on the pitch with his high work rate. Samir featured in his first full game for Hobo. Showing glimpses of potential tenacity and game reading, the curve can only go up for this lad. The steeper the better though bro.
CM - Mirza and Khidir
Another new combination in the middle of the park. We always knew they could be effective, and they did not disappoint. Khidir showed a lil too much enthusiasm initially, but I suppose its all part of this maestro's gameplay. Mirza looked like he relished his new found freedom to roam and distribute, and had a solid game, despite turning up in blue pyjamas.
LW & RW - Hilmi Z &/or Harun &/or Imran
A brilliant goal for the former. Had Henry written all over it, delightfully chipping the GK from just within the 18 yard box. This lad enjoys playing the beautiful game. Harun does what he always does, making things happen for himself whenever finding himself marooned on the right. His professional attitude is an asset, something all of us could take page from. Has a strange affinity for the corner flag though. Imran has really long legs and likes Lindsay Lohan in Herbie. Especially scenes involving a little more bounce, if ya know what I mean.
Strikers - (Censored)
Names are being withheld for reasons you will find obvious enough. They had a splendid game. Their close bond off the pitch reflected in their understanding when it came to passes and runs. 3 or 4 goals between them, cant remember. Could potentially give our regular strikers a run for their money.
Icometowatchonlycosimsickandjustcamefromteachingtuitionnearby - Arep
Displayed his mastery in mobile phone usage, and his taste in Pizza toppings, by ordering in our Iftar. We appreciate your commitment nonetheless.
Post-match, we headed over the Rooney's place for Pizza and Coke Zero affair, while catching the blockbuster super exciting thriller, HERBIE: FULLY LOADED, followed by the evergreen drama serial featuring the cyntillating Otelli Edwards for a cameo 30 second apprearance, NEWS 5 TONIGHT.
Was definitely a fulfilling day out with all the lads. Its refreshing to bask in one another's company, apart from mass showering sessions post Sunday morning games. To the others who didn't make it, you missed on a whole lot,
like Arep making his TV debut.
Goodnight and we wish you a Happy 15th Day of Ramadhan.
The game was played in our non-conventional formation of 4-4-2, as we attempt to finally attack and defend as a unit, and not 2 separate entities, which proved to bear, well, interesting results.
The match ended in victory of course, with the following players in the fore-mentioned positions:-
GK - Damiri
Produced an outstanding save from a header, diving low to his left to tip the ball around the post. Truly world class, his confidence growing with more game time being granted. Keep it up big panda. (Come on, 4K for your KTM400 is a reasonable offer man)
CB - Sophan and Pras
The former being tried in a new position, while the latter makes a Hobo debut. The former kept misjudging headers, while we hope the latter will sign for Hobo on a permanent basis. But impressive debuts are kind of a Hobo curse. Hmmmm.
LB & RB - Manfred & Samir
Manfred has a sweet left foot, thumping in a free kick from God knows how far out, which the GK made a mess off. Proved to be useful, given the only non-fasting player on the pitch with his high work rate. Samir featured in his first full game for Hobo. Showing glimpses of potential tenacity and game reading, the curve can only go up for this lad. The steeper the better though bro.
CM - Mirza and Khidir
Another new combination in the middle of the park. We always knew they could be effective, and they did not disappoint. Khidir showed a lil too much enthusiasm initially, but I suppose its all part of this maestro's gameplay. Mirza looked like he relished his new found freedom to roam and distribute, and had a solid game, despite turning up in blue pyjamas.
LW & RW - Hilmi Z &/or Harun &/or Imran
A brilliant goal for the former. Had Henry written all over it, delightfully chipping the GK from just within the 18 yard box. This lad enjoys playing the beautiful game. Harun does what he always does, making things happen for himself whenever finding himself marooned on the right. His professional attitude is an asset, something all of us could take page from. Has a strange affinity for the corner flag though. Imran has really long legs and likes Lindsay Lohan in Herbie. Especially scenes involving a little more bounce, if ya know what I mean.
Strikers - (Censored)
Names are being withheld for reasons you will find obvious enough. They had a splendid game. Their close bond off the pitch reflected in their understanding when it came to passes and runs. 3 or 4 goals between them, cant remember. Could potentially give our regular strikers a run for their money.
Icometowatchonlycosimsickandjustcamefromteachingtuitionnearby - Arep
Displayed his mastery in mobile phone usage, and his taste in Pizza toppings, by ordering in our Iftar. We appreciate your commitment nonetheless.
Post-match, we headed over the Rooney's place for Pizza and Coke Zero affair, while catching the blockbuster super exciting thriller, HERBIE: FULLY LOADED, followed by the evergreen drama serial featuring the cyntillating Otelli Edwards for a cameo 30 second apprearance, NEWS 5 TONIGHT.
Was definitely a fulfilling day out with all the lads. Its refreshing to bask in one another's company, apart from mass showering sessions post Sunday morning games. To the others who didn't make it, you missed on a whole lot,
like Arep making his TV debut.
Goodnight and we wish you a Happy 15th Day of Ramadhan.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Carma = A maternal vehicle
Instructions For Life [Part 2]
6) When you realized you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
7) Spend some time alone everyday.
Stare out into the distance, or through the windows of your neighbours in the opposing block. I would like to emphasize that this point is purely a mental relaxation exercise, and not so a physical activity. Keep your hands where I can see them.
8) Don't let a little dispute, injure a great relationship.
Buddies, acquantainces, couples and family. As the relationship grows through time, we tend to subconciously and unfairly expect the other party to be more attuned to our peeves, to the point of giving one another very little room to breathe. Give it thought. Have you ever felt unreasonably disgusted at your best friend's behaviour for some uncontrollable reason, to the point of even dismissing the bond that you have shared to have taken a turn for the worst? Well before you drown, head back to the surface for air. Re-wind, and un-wind. Let not those evil whispers take control.
9) Remember that a little silence is sometimes the best answer
The words that should always always always resonate in your head. "If you have nothing constructive to say, then shut it."
Nod your head, smile and walk away with both pride and integrity in place.10) Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
Hang on to your liquidity by not rejecting loose coins.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Good Karma
FC Hobo received this email from a fan, appealing to our good graces, to publish the following, so as to benefit one and all.Well, not only are we doing that, we're gonna provide all our readers with interpretations and understanding of such priceless advice, courtesy of our in-house Counsellor.
Instructions For Life [Part 1]
- with selective Hobo-ic interpretations, by Dr. Sayang-Sayang Mustafa-
1) Follow the 3 R's:-
Respect for Self-
Respect for Others-
Respect for All Your Actions
2) Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
My Favourite. Why rant on and on about what you did not come your way. Patience is essential. Everything in this world, is an eventuality. Like how when you are rolling in bed tonight, thoughts still pondering about this post, will you eventually get it.
3) Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
When you choose to partake in any activity with the intention of deriving satisfaction, pleasure or success, be prepared. Have at least $21 in your ATM. Just in case.
4) Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
This isn't neccessarily bad advice. This just goes to show that a lil thought process before any action, can go a long way. Hence $21, cos the rules say you need a minimum of $1, post withdrawal, in your account at any time.
5) When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
Be forward thinking. Dwell not on your mistakes, but instead, direct the blame at others. If you simply do not get the lesson, it is purely because your lecturer hails from a land of provinces, where in the older times, magistrates punish offenders by whacking them with big red sticks. You will only stand to lose, but keep yourself together. Spread not your word of frustration, for medals they have brought, and everywhere they really are.
continued it be.
Instructions For Life [Part 1]
- with selective Hobo-ic interpretations, by Dr. Sayang-Sayang Mustafa-
1) Follow the 3 R's:-
Respect for Self-
Respect for Others-
Respect for All Your Actions
2) Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
My Favourite. Why rant on and on about what you did not come your way. Patience is essential. Everything in this world, is an eventuality. Like how when you are rolling in bed tonight, thoughts still pondering about this post, will you eventually get it.
3) Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
When you choose to partake in any activity with the intention of deriving satisfaction, pleasure or success, be prepared. Have at least $21 in your ATM. Just in case.
4) Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
This isn't neccessarily bad advice. This just goes to show that a lil thought process before any action, can go a long way. Hence $21, cos the rules say you need a minimum of $1, post withdrawal, in your account at any time.
5) When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
Be forward thinking. Dwell not on your mistakes, but instead, direct the blame at others. If you simply do not get the lesson, it is purely because your lecturer hails from a land of provinces, where in the older times, magistrates punish offenders by whacking them with big red sticks. You will only stand to lose, but keep yourself together. Spread not your word of frustration, for medals they have brought, and everywhere they really are.
continued it be.
Dream another Dream For Me.
(The following is based on real-life account of the team manager. Any similarities to any person dead, alive or in a state of half-life due to the playing of football under the scorching sun while fasting, is purely coincidental. Btw, your girlfriend keeps on checking out my friendster/facebook profile.)
The time was 8.59 am. Adrenalin was already beginning to flow, in anticipation of the ringing of my mobile phone alarm clock, slated to go off in a musical orchestra at exactly 9.05 am, with the first few seconds of Jamal Abdillah's - Siapa Bilang Gadis Melayu Tak Menawan, extremely certain to stir even the sleepiest soul into a state of awaken annoyance. (Go give it a listen.)
I rolled over to the left, but my left cheek screamed in horror as it found the wet patch of last night's drool. It must have been the dream involving Elisha Cuthbert and Megan Fox, I thought to myself. I then settled into a mini-slumber upon slight facial positioning adjustment. My body immediately shuddered when perchance I re-emerged into the same dream, this time involving plenty of mud and mini pieces of floss.
(beep beep beep boobs beep). A text message just had to come in just then. Damn you Murphy and your dumb law.
.
From an unknown number? Who is it? Could it be another wave of them monthly stalker girls? Shouldn't they have more respect for this holy month? Can't they wait til after, at the very least?
"Dear Team Manager of FC Hobo,
Please note that your game at Clementi Stadium at 1100 has been cancelled due to unplayable pitch. Please acknowledge ESPZEN."
My eyebrows raised high in disbelief. I re-read the entire text message. Oh dear. Could this really be happening? What happened to respect for basic proper grammar??
"...due to unplayable pitch".
Wth. If you really wanted to save on the length of the SMS, trim the greeting dammit. Or just wish me Good Morning. That'd do just fine. The last thing I'd want when I wake up everyday is having to put up with poor English. Maybe its just me, but I'm sure there are others on the same frequency. People who just can't help but cringe in disgust whenever someone says "Irregardless".
THERE IS NO BLOODY SENSE IN THAT WORD. Its REGARDLESS. The "LESS" already brings about the contra sense in the word "REGARD". If you add another "IR" as a pre-fix ever again, I'll smack your bottom with my hockey stick.
.
A few seconds later, I received another text. This time, from my number 2, Colonel Imraniov Cosmetischiov. He had also received the poorly grammatized text message and feels terribly sick in the stomach. I told him to hold in it, and inform our Communications Officer, Leftenant Didinho of the 67th Orange Wave Brigade to alert our men of the impending match cancellation.
.
The plan had worked. I was beaming in joy and squirming in celebration in my queen sized bed. From being scheduled to play 4 gruelling matches during Ramadhan, we now only have 1 left.
We had officially used our 1 match postponement entitlement for the game on the 28th of September. Reason quoted was it being too close to Hari Raya.
The next cancellation for the match on the 14th, came about when we received word from the organizers that our opponents could not field sufficient players on that given day. Random blessing? Perhaps.
.
The Hobo Devious Board, (HDB), had come together 2 days ago, to plot the next 'forced' cancellation of a game during this blessed month.
During the meeting, I lauded the chairman, Zainini Wainini, one the success of their previous operation. Blackmailing Heaven Eleven into cancelling the game by threatening to disclose their club secrets to the mass media was absolutely brilliant. Apparently, during our match-up against them, our resident Sharman, Arepa Nigeria, noticed that Heaven Eleven actually consisted of a dozen divine heavenly residents, not merely eleven. Upon noticing this discrepancy, he informed the HDB, and the rest, is history.
What the HDB came up with for this week was just a class act. Watch, learn, and be afraid Y Homeless, your game is next on the HDB to-do list.
The time was 8.59 am. Adrenalin was already beginning to flow, in anticipation of the ringing of my mobile phone alarm clock, slated to go off in a musical orchestra at exactly 9.05 am, with the first few seconds of Jamal Abdillah's - Siapa Bilang Gadis Melayu Tak Menawan, extremely certain to stir even the sleepiest soul into a state of awaken annoyance. (Go give it a listen.)
I rolled over to the left, but my left cheek screamed in horror as it found the wet patch of last night's drool. It must have been the dream involving Elisha Cuthbert and Megan Fox, I thought to myself. I then settled into a mini-slumber upon slight facial positioning adjustment. My body immediately shuddered when perchance I re-emerged into the same dream, this time involving plenty of mud and mini pieces of floss.
(beep beep beep boobs beep). A text message just had to come in just then. Damn you Murphy and your dumb law.
.
From an unknown number? Who is it? Could it be another wave of them monthly stalker girls? Shouldn't they have more respect for this holy month? Can't they wait til after, at the very least?
"Dear Team Manager of FC Hobo,
Please note that your game at Clementi Stadium at 1100 has been cancelled due to unplayable pitch. Please acknowledge ESPZEN."
My eyebrows raised high in disbelief. I re-read the entire text message. Oh dear. Could this really be happening? What happened to respect for basic proper grammar??
"...due to unplayable pitch".
Wth. If you really wanted to save on the length of the SMS, trim the greeting dammit. Or just wish me Good Morning. That'd do just fine. The last thing I'd want when I wake up everyday is having to put up with poor English. Maybe its just me, but I'm sure there are others on the same frequency. People who just can't help but cringe in disgust whenever someone says "Irregardless".
THERE IS NO BLOODY SENSE IN THAT WORD. Its REGARDLESS. The "LESS" already brings about the contra sense in the word "REGARD". If you add another "IR" as a pre-fix ever again, I'll smack your bottom with my hockey stick.
.
A few seconds later, I received another text. This time, from my number 2, Colonel Imraniov Cosmetischiov. He had also received the poorly grammatized text message and feels terribly sick in the stomach. I told him to hold in it, and inform our Communications Officer, Leftenant Didinho of the 67th Orange Wave Brigade to alert our men of the impending match cancellation.
.
The plan had worked. I was beaming in joy and squirming in celebration in my queen sized bed. From being scheduled to play 4 gruelling matches during Ramadhan, we now only have 1 left.
We had officially used our 1 match postponement entitlement for the game on the 28th of September. Reason quoted was it being too close to Hari Raya.
The next cancellation for the match on the 14th, came about when we received word from the organizers that our opponents could not field sufficient players on that given day. Random blessing? Perhaps.
.
The Hobo Devious Board, (HDB), had come together 2 days ago, to plot the next 'forced' cancellation of a game during this blessed month.
During the meeting, I lauded the chairman, Zainini Wainini, one the success of their previous operation. Blackmailing Heaven Eleven into cancelling the game by threatening to disclose their club secrets to the mass media was absolutely brilliant. Apparently, during our match-up against them, our resident Sharman, Arepa Nigeria, noticed that Heaven Eleven actually consisted of a dozen divine heavenly residents, not merely eleven. Upon noticing this discrepancy, he informed the HDB, and the rest, is history.
What the HDB came up with for this week was just a class act. Watch, learn, and be afraid Y Homeless, your game is next on the HDB to-do list.
.
In other news, Marigold Malaysia Sdn Bhd reported a 65% drop in their shares value. Company spokesperson, Mr. Ai Wuv Susu refused to comment on speculation that their troubles are attributed to a significant loss in their fixed assets.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Sneak Preview: Iron Man 2.
(Courtesy of Mr. Brown of http://www.mr.brown.com/)
That should have given you at least 7 seconds of heart laughter.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Do take note:
Dear FC Hobo Football Club and Heaven Eleven Football Club:
Kindly note that Heaven Eleven FC is unable to field a team for the scheduled fixture below:
Date: 14/09/2008
Pitch: Cantonment Pitch
Kick Off Time: 0915hrs
A new fixture will be assigned and you may check the website for further updates.
All teams are reminded that they can only postpone ONE game in the season – after which the game must be played or walkover will be awarded as per the rules and regulations.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Phew, thats one less game to be overly concerned about this fasting month. Its almost as though our friends from Heaven Eleven are being considerate to our predominantly Fasting team, and wishes for a postponement so as to obtain a fair and objective result.
Now if only the other 2 teams will do the same for us....EHEM EHEM EHEM.
I mean, who'd wanna beat a team on the basis of simply being able to outlast their opponents, who's fitness levels are of no discredit nor within their control. Right, right, right?
By the way, arrangements will be made for our public relations officer to send Heaven Eleven a Thank You card.
General Schmidt OUT.
Kindly note that Heaven Eleven FC is unable to field a team for the scheduled fixture below:
Date: 14/09/2008
Pitch: Cantonment Pitch
Kick Off Time: 0915hrs
A new fixture will be assigned and you may check the website for further updates.
All teams are reminded that they can only postpone ONE game in the season – after which the game must be played or walkover will be awarded as per the rules and regulations.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Phew, thats one less game to be overly concerned about this fasting month. Its almost as though our friends from Heaven Eleven are being considerate to our predominantly Fasting team, and wishes for a postponement so as to obtain a fair and objective result.
Now if only the other 2 teams will do the same for us....EHEM EHEM EHEM.
I mean, who'd wanna beat a team on the basis of simply being able to outlast their opponents, who's fitness levels are of no discredit nor within their control. Right, right, right?
By the way, arrangements will be made for our public relations officer to send Heaven Eleven a Thank You card.
General Schmidt OUT.
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