200080901: Match Report

For the adulterated version submited on the ESPZEN webby, click HERE.

For a comprehensive version, providing in depth play by play analysis, with player's comments, full post mortem reports and pictures taken in High-Definition, click HERE.

Usher it, now.

The Hobo Office of Conservative & Liberal Muslims or HOCALM, has convened and published a decree annoucing the need for all 3 members (and counting, i hope), to establish their very own Personal Ramadhan Resolution.

This could range from a decision to quit smoking, to wanting to not miss the basic 5 day prayers, to stop going to Mustafa Centre @ 2 am to randomly talk to strangers about a fantasy holiday to Fiji, or even essential ones like reading through the Tafsir Al-Quran.

We would like to encourage everyone, of any race/religion/gender/sexual orientation, to take this opportunity of a month where you will find an abundance in Ramly Burgers, to set an aim to get out there, and do something for yourself, moreso others.

Smile to 3 random strangers on your way to work/school. Give genuine value to your friends by sincerely acknowledging what they say. Make it a point to spend 20 secs of each day, just closing your eyes and giving thanks for being able to even give thanks. Pat your colleague/schoolmate on his/her shoulder, and tell them there's something on their nose. When driving, give way to that black sexy vespa who's trying to get past you cos he's late for work/school. When riding, make it a point to wake up earlier, and not be late for work/school.

Don't let it go to waste, for as the song playing in the background suggests, you will never know if this month will come around your mountain again.

Have a purposeful Ramadhan to all.

And May Peace Be Upon You.



Warm Regards,
Mufti
HOCALM

Friday Bulletin

Good Evening and Welcome to the Friday Bulletin. I'm Tah-Eek Cumbeing.




International News,
Only in Malaysia can you say,

"...We are on track to take over the government"

and live to tell the tale.




On the home front,
We're now officially and legally able to hold public demonstrations within Hong Lim Park (Speakers Corner). Now controlled by National Parks and no longer by the Police, the former's C-O-O has this to say pertaining to burning effigies of political leaders on location,

"'We are not pre-judging anything. Just please, in burning the effigies, don't burn down our trees and shrubs."

Right ok moving on.





Hobo Affairs. FC HOBO faces a drastic shortage of players for this Sunday's match up with top of the table side XhengShiong (XS) FC, Bedok Reservoir Outlet. Hobo's Danish Team Manager, Jan Wow Zatsabigone, however insists that his side will be able to summon enough quality to overcome the odds.

"Ve ave at our dizpozal, members ov our B team, currently plying their trade in the Middle Earth League, Division 29. Hence it iz no issue to call them up. Ze only issue would be zat zey would looze out on physical presenze".

This reporter kindly reminded Jan of the clause in the ESPZen rules that do not allow Hobbits/Elves/Trolls/WalkingTalkingTrees to partake in the competition.

"Ahhhh Vell, back to ze drawing board", while walking away with his hands around 2 tasty Scandinavian twins.




Financial News. Hobo's stocks fell 15% following yesterday's report that Simpang Bedok Inc. will not be purchasing new LCD TV screens to cater to the growing numbers of weekend Premier League Freeloaders who just order one cup of Teh-O.

Hobo's finance department chief, Muhd Noh bin Mah Nee has taken blame for investing 45% of Hobo's liquidity into Simpang Bedok Inc, amounting to a whopping $8.45 loss in total equity. He has taken personal liability for such a jaw dropping error, and will be be-headed during our pre-game warm up come Sunday.

Shareholders who have been promised payouts, will have their dividends paid in marshmallows for this FY2008.



Sporting News. Gao Ning goes boo-hoo over the No-Coach fiasco during his Olympic match up against Croatia's Tan Ruiwu, no you heard right, not Miroslav Sukuredovic. (Crap They really are everywhere).

Apparently he isn't too happy about being the women's team sparring partner either. He attributes his feminine backhand grunt as a result of being subjected to the above.

"...I ended up spending more than half of my six-day training week sparring with them.", Gao angrily confesses as he nervously bites his pink-painted nails.

"I've nothing to say to them," he said. "Their actions proved that I'm not important to the team. I'm not even a second-class citizen in the squad. I'm a third-class citizen."




This reporter spewed out his lunch after hearing the last line.

Good night. I love you ma.

Let's Chit Chat Masala

[This article does not express the sole opinion of this football team nor the writer, cos he's really cute. By reading on, You hereby certify that you are not offended by strong language, and you warrant that you understand that the purposes of this post is purely satirical and humorous, and therefore that your opinions of any persons or situations depicted in this site, whether living, real, fictional or otherwise, will not be affected in any way whatsoever and that they really are fictional just like the long haired woman sitting on your shoulders now. If you do not comprehend the meaning of satire or freedom of expression, or are somehow unable to see the lighter sight of life due to your inability to grasp the concept of having something called personality and essentially, a life, bugger off.]



Today is THE day for Malaysian politics. To those of you who have little idea of what's going on because you're too busy making prank calls to random hot guys at 2 am, here's a quick FAQ:-

What?
-Anwar wants to make a political comeback and vows to take over the government.
But how?
-By winning the parliamentary seat of Permatang Pauh in Penang, deliberately vacated by his wife Wan Azizah.
But that wont't make him Prime Minister what?
-But winning it will result in the ruling Barisan Nasional to further be thrown into disarray, initially caused by them getting thumped in the General Elections earlier on.
-Anwar has promised to make them defect over to his Pakatan Rakyat (PR), hence making PR the ruling party in parliament. And if you don't know what that means, eat my shoe.







What's this I hear about another sodomy charge?
-There's this bloke called Saiful Bukhari Azlan who has made a report that Anwar sodomized him, allegedly in Sabah. Now why the fuck would he go all the way to Sabah to do that. Must be the fresh mountain air. I'm not suprised when the trial comes around, further details include a tent and wild deer roasting on an open fire. (Think BrokeBackMountain )
-General consensus is such that the Government created this charge to derail Anwar off his plans of a return to power, to the extent of trying to coincide the court trial with the polling day to get him arrested and not being able to file his papers in time, even after being released on bail. Malaysians feel that this bullying tactic is a straight-forward re-run of what happened 10 years ago, under Dr. M.M.
What are the chances of Anwar winning it anyways?
-Malaysians are generally fed up with the government and its political prosecution, abuse of the police powers, abuse of the ISA and the judicial system. So my guess is, even if you put a Horse wearing a Tutu-dress to run against BN in this by-election, the Horse will still come out tops.
But what if Anwar really IS a Gay Lord?
-God help Malaysia.


By-elections?? Political Prosecutions?? ISA?? Biased Judiciary?? Wait a minute. Hmmmmm.

Postus Mortumus Part 2

The Voice of Hobo would duly like to apologize for the media silence. This is mainly due to the emergency convention of all Hobo executives from all corners of the globe, namely Simei, Tampines, Pasir Ris and Woodlands, for a conference pertaining to the outcome, consequence and sharing session regarding our previous match.



The following post will contain extremely censored and government regulated excerpts from that convention @ Simpang Bedok, which will interest all Hobos worldwide, while sounding a tad draggy to our faithful blog visitors. Hence, the voice of Hobo shall attempt at appealing to the masses, (or those who's attention span rivals that of a delinquent dung beetle), by visually stimulating all who choose to continue reading this.

The following issues were thrashed on the table over $3 worth of rojak char kway, char kway only please, none of the other funky stuff:-

• We have mutually agreed that the outcome of the previous game was a direct result of poor planning. The team selection was poor, man management was non existent, ultimately leading to low morale and a fall from grace.




• The above will be solved by considering the 15 for every game with tact, care and tactical foresight. Full details can be released for 7 easy payments of $29.90.




• We have agreed that the most critical question that begs to be asked is, what our objectives are for our first season in a competitive league as a team. Fun? Results? Cohesion? Maintaining a blog and attracting avid cute sexy readers?




• The answer to that lies in Imran's pocket. We shall speak more of it as a team not through this cold impersonal albeit humourous and entertaining medium called fchobo.blogspot.com




• The next pressing issue is team selection. Having to choose 15 people out of 26 talented individuals was thought to be a pleasant headache. However, we do not run a professional footballing institution where cutting players and selecting based on merits can be forgiven to achieve a greater aim (chicks). Dealing with peers, friends, family, potential brother in laws is a whole new playing field. I hope our dilemma is understood amongst the status quo.




• Therefore, we have decidedly decided to decide on a new calling up system, which falls back to what we essentially stand for, what Hobo means, where Hobo came from.

Here's a brief history lesson on our humble and handsome beginnings:-

Before you beetles get bored, here's another picture

Hobo was started by a bunch of really smashing chodes back in TPJC, combining the Hockey and Bola(football) jocks, the former being sexier, playing Sunday morning friendly games just for the heck of it. Hence the name Ho-Bo. As time went by, and enthusiasm levels lowered, we went into a 2 and a half year hiatus, seeking knowledge and inspiration in the mountains of Mt. Ketiakbulu. One thing led to another, we found ourselves playing ever so regularly without fail every Sunday, recruiting players beyond our educational social circle, resulting in a solid mix of like minded individuals. Participating in this league, required us to further expand our numbers, with a sudden influx of people going through the initialization ceremony and being branded a fellow Hobo.

To decide on the following list of players to always remain on top of the pecking order in terms of team selection was not easy. It was just made easier by the fact that certain players do have more historical value as compared to others, noone can deny that. On top of such names, there are players who have financially suported our cause, to deny them of this priviledge would be just plain rude.



Lets make something very clear.

Here's how it goes, for every game, Hobo requires only 15 or 16 players to be present. This number is derived by the median cost coverage per game. Of which the 4 or 5 substitutes have to fulfill the following criteria:-

The positions they play must have a good spread. No longer will we have 4 defenders on the bench like before.

Some form of precedence will be given to players who played the previous game.

They must wear red speedoes.

We do not wish to belittle the contributions of our subsidiary players 3 games into the league. No doubt your contributions have been extremely appreciated and much much needed, especially in scenarios like the first game of the league, where we were desperately short on numbers. And therein lies the opportunity.

Not all who are named in the following list will be able to make it down for every game. Its just plain and simple truth that there will always be room and opportunity.

The intention of this newly implemented call up system, is to streamline our team selection process, for certain players 'welfare' and most importantly, tactical prowess.

The following individuals have been earmarked for team selection priority, based on our ability to trace them through humble beginnings to this pitstop to glory, and/or their initial financial support of our operations:-

Mau, Miri, Pak, Arepa, Mirf, Djourou, Monday, Rooney, Deco, Eagles, Khai Am, Heirul, Picanto, Azhar, Khidir, Ringo, Sarep.

It was not easy. We hate doing this, but do imagine if you have been a Hobo for donkey years, in quiet support, yet you have lost your place to another just because. Such a scenario shall never happen again. We, the management would like to sincerely apologize to any of those players in that list who have been sidelined/overlooked. This is us, making things up for forgetting where we came from.



On the other hand, to those who are not able to associate themselves to any of the names on that list, remember that once a Hobo, always a Hobo. Out of 16 'core' players, there are bound to be at least 3 or 4 who won't be able to make it for a game. (Like this Sunday if you really must know). When the need arises, you, will be called up. You, give us the stability to endure an entire season. You, give us tactical options. Without You, we're pretty much like those fish above.





Actions leading up to Game Day:-



Wednesday- Communications IC, Eagles, will text all the 16 players on that list for availability. In the occasion that all can make it, we will have a full strength squad. If there are absentees, Eagles will consult the proceeding game's team manager for confirmation on the other players the manager wishes to call up as an equal replacement. Eagles will then text the forementioned for availibility.



Saturday: Eagles will seek final confirmation of the informed players for their attendance. Manager will be informed on the final names.



Sunday: Put on suntan lotion. Bring your girlfriend to the game, celebrate a goal by pointing up to the stands and blowing a flying kiss. If none available, Pak will gladly take that kiss on her behalf for 500 Baht.





Til then, an ode to spongebob squarepants is well overdue.














Enjoy the rest of the week guys. We shall speak a whole lot more @ a potluck dinner session cum mass pirated DVD screening session for all Hobos to be held at top secret location soon enough. (Rooney's place). Ooops.

Postus Mortumus

For a full match report, click HERE.


In any case, much of what needs to be said, still remains as such. After such a humbling and borderline humiliating affair, socks need to be pulled up and loose ends need to be tightened.

Appreciation goes to those who showed up as per called up, even to those who were called up, showed up but didnt turn up.

Special mention goes to Mirza, for being the silent efficient pillar in defence. Khidir for always trying to stamp his authority in midfield, and Fir Frog for playing your guts out - All despite lowering enthusiasm levels toward the end.




Just a final word on the game before management formally lays out the new battleplan,

A positive playing attitude must be present regardless of scoreline or opponent. Fight to the end, and die trying, never again do we fucking roll over and be pissed on like that, ever.


The Voice of Hobo - Out.

Did you miss us?

With the third game of our season looming, and player anticipation levels increasing, Hobo faces a dilemma we thought we never would, an excess in player figures.

Its an interesting place to be in, regardless of how they have managed to get word on us and our brand of football, by word of mouth, by homing pigeon, by morse code, or by the moose they bumped into on the street.

With our swelling strength, its important that a credible system of team selection governance be put into place.

As of now, each match we play has an appointed team manager. He alone has the authority to select the 15 players from our pool of nearly 30, to fit his formation. He'll msg you on either Wednesday/Thursday for initial confirmation and once more on Saturday evening for a final one.

Tmr's game manager will be Didinho, so if you haven't received a text from him and u turn up, unfortunately, you may turn out to be a surplus to requirement. We apologize and hope you understand our selection thought process:-

• Priority will be given to core players who've been playing for Hobo since the age of the Java man.
• The next priority will be given to players who contributed to the jersey account. Those who said they will, but still havent' do not count. (Who eat chilli, taste the spicy)
• Finally, if you have been called up for the previous week's game, you will be asked of your availability to play again for the next game. This is to ensure some form of continuity in terms of form.

Fair? Probably. Disagree? Do comment. We're an open society just like our dear country.

Apply for a permit to speak freely.

Phour Photo Phlash

For a full match report on our game played earlier, provided by the team manager to ESPZen, click HERE.


Just to add on, it was a well played game with full attendance for those who've been called up. To the other names on the list, well, hope you guys don't just remain as that.
Final Score, 4-0. Alhamdulillah.


In any case, Feast your eyes on these pictures from after today's game, taken in Full HD, courtesy of Azhar the Art guy.
Girls, you may go wild. Guys, take your hands outta your pants.





AREP WAKE UP!




Smile Harun, Smile.



Seriously, Smile. You're beginning to freak us out.



Ok I give up.


And my personal favourite,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


:D


Have a good rest guys. The curve can only go up from now. Performances are expected to only improve further. Thanks for giving your all and we shall convene again this Sunday, 11 A.M, Meridian JC.

Assalamualaikum.

Last kopek words for you Heroes.

As Requested, the following is the location of Boon Lay Secondary courtesy of AGIS , SingaporeExpats.com and StreetDB.com .

The school is located to the top left hand corner of the given image and about 400m from Boon Lay MRT. Buses from the interchange to the nearest bus-stop are 181, 192, 193, 243.

By car/motorbike,

• Exit the PIE via Jalan Bahar,
• Travel down Jalan Bahar past Nanyang NPC, The Old SCDF Camp and turn right at Jurong West Avenue 4.
• Make an immediate left at the first junction into Jurong West St 64.
• Make a final right into Jurong West St 65 then good luck finding the pitch entrance.
• Once you've found the gate, knock three times, bend over and say KAPEVOLI three times through your legs.
• A magical gnome will hence appear and grant your ultimate Anita Sarawak fantasy.

Just a final word about tmr's game:-

1. Imran is the match IC. Formations, team discipline, substitutions etc will fall under his jurisdiction as it had been for Sophan for our opening game.
2. Please arrive no later than 1030. I understand its probably the second furthest place in the world to play ball, the first being our pre-season training trip to South Africa, but there should be no lil excuses.
3. Shin Pads, White Shorts/Socks and $8 are the standard issue things to pack.

Good to see our dear M.I.R.F. fired up. Hopefully everyone else who's been called up will follow suit. Have an early night, plenty of liquids, dreams of Pak and Arep's hairy chests, and we shall meet do battle tommorrow.

I shall now leave you with words of inspiration and wisdom to take with you into preparation for tmr.


"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truely are, far more than our abilities."
~Albus Dumbledore

"Many people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they are 75."
~Benjamin Franklin

"I never knew you were that good, but I never knew you were that good"
~Iskandar Shah

Public Service Announcement from the HCSS (Hobo Council of Social Services)

Bearing in mind the impending final installment of the GST money granted by our Dear Leader (hmm dear leader. sounds like sth out of a certain communist state) on the 31st of August, the HCSS would like to put forth the following proposal to all Members, WAGs, Family Members and even you sexy&cute blog reading stalkers out there.


FC HOBO Ramadhan Charity Drive 2008


What?
On behalf of the management of FC HOBO, I would like to extend our invitation for all to participate in this inaugural drive to help those in desperate need of a gracious act. Since Ramadhan represents a month where we should try to take the extra initiative to give, we have come up with a convenient avenue for you to do so without taking a direct form of personal financial strain.

As most of you may have already known, our final installment of the GST-Offset Package would be due on the 31st of August. This would range from $100-$200.


And Hence?
Our plea to all, would be for each individual, regardless of Hobo status, be it Hobo members, Hobo affiliates, Hobo associates and Hobo fan-club-ers, to pledge an amount of whatever sum you will be receiving come month's end to this cause.


What Cause Are You Talking About?
Here is where the ball is in your court my dear dear kind hearted peers. This is also our chance, as a predominantly singular raced organization, to reach out beyond our skin and show the graciousness of our society. Thus far we have managed to shortlist the beneficiaries to:-

• Orphanages

Cos honestly, who wouldn't wanna see the look on these children's faces when you know your contribution has made them experience some form of joy upon receiving new clothes or gifts on the first day of Hari Raya. Or ensured that they will have that extra bit of yummy food for Iftar, on top of standard issue menu items they dine on every evening.

• Homes for the Aged
• Physically, or Mentally Challenged Institutions

However upon deeper perusal, we have come to realize, that despite our projected collected amount coming up to quite a sum, it will seem less significant to the above mentioned organizations as they are already under some form of government funding and public assistance.

Solution?

Wouldn't you like to actually see where your contributions end up, instead of merely acknowledging that it had been officially received by XXX Organization which is thus to be collated into their pot?

Would you not derive more satisfaction from knowing your receipient had directly benefited from your kind contributions?

ie. Recently in the Berita Harian, a young child required money for a necessary life or death surgical procedure, something in the region of $20K, of which a certain LARGE charity organization contributed a pretty measely amount to. I mean, wtf. Seriously, wtf.

ie. We directly look for families, or individuals who need financial assistance. Elderly couples living alone with no income except some monthly staples from a social welfare group and living on about maybe 60 bucks a month. Or A family of maybe 6 school going children living with a single parent looking for a blessing this upcoming holy month. Well, you catch my drift.

So I need your input on this issue gentle guys and sexy ladies.

Do we:-

1. Stick with organized bodies (orphanages, homes, special schools) like the ones stated above?
2. Or attempt to benefit a certain target group by directly providing food, new clothes, new books, re-furbish their homes, or even straight-forward liquidity?
3. Or Keep this government given, "hard-earned", mini-bonus of ours, just for ourselves, to save up for that year end holiday to Bali, while abstaining from all possible guilt of letting this opportunity of letting a parent breathe easy, as there will at least be food on the table for her kids tonight.
4. I don't know. I'm just on this website to look at cute guys.

I'm going to conduct an extremely scientific poll on this. Vote option 1, 2, 3 or 4 via the chatbox on the right, or by emailing to our account fc.hobo@gmail.com or texting any of the team committee members, in the following format:-

Your Vote: 1 , 2, 3 or 4

Any Added Opinions: I think . . .

Closing date for all the votes, inputs and thoughts will be Thursday 14th August, as the chosen option will require time to plan and properly execute, moreso when it pertains to the issue of money.

Also if you happen to vote option 2, do try provide an example of an individual, or a family or a group which you may heard of, who really could use a helping hand (if you know of any that is). Send such suggestions privately via email or text.

I do hope to hear from you soon. Personally, with most of the commitee members pledging 3/4 of their final installment GST offset package to this cause and If everyone on the team could pledge at least half, with their WAGs chipping in a bit more, and our loyal subscribers possibly doing their part, do that math. Fact is we can make a difference.

Warmest Regards,

XXXXX

HCSS Spokesperson

Hobs Bulls

Training tmr, scheduled @ 7 to 9pm will be cancelled due to our in-house sharman predicting heavy rain and sleet to blanket the training pitch.

He did mention however that players selected for this Sunday's game will be notified by psychic means.

So if any of you recently received an epiphany that you will be scoring a 45 yard screamer with your weaker foot while balancing on your other pinky toe, make your way down to the stated venue @ 1030am for warm ups and briefing.

IC/Acting-Captain for the upcoming game will be Imran.


Chin-Chow.