The time was 8.59 am. Adrenalin was already beginning to flow, in anticipation of the ringing of my mobile phone alarm clock, slated to go off in a musical orchestra at exactly 9.05 am, with the first few seconds of Jamal Abdillah's - Siapa Bilang Gadis Melayu Tak Menawan, extremely certain to stir even the sleepiest soul into a state of awaken annoyance. (Go give it a listen.)
I rolled over to the left, but my left cheek screamed in horror as it found the wet patch of last night's drool. It must have been the dream involving Elisha Cuthbert and Megan Fox, I thought to myself. I then settled into a mini-slumber upon slight facial positioning adjustment. My body immediately shuddered when perchance I re-emerged into the same dream, this time involving plenty of mud and mini pieces of floss.
(beep beep beep boobs beep). A text message just had to come in just then. Damn you Murphy and your dumb law.
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From an unknown number? Who is it? Could it be another wave of them monthly stalker girls? Shouldn't they have more respect for this holy month? Can't they wait til after, at the very least?
"Dear Team Manager of FC Hobo,
Please note that your game at Clementi Stadium at 1100 has been cancelled due to unplayable pitch. Please acknowledge ESPZEN."
My eyebrows raised high in disbelief. I re-read the entire text message. Oh dear. Could this really be happening? What happened to respect for basic proper grammar??
"...due to unplayable pitch".
Wth. If you really wanted to save on the length of the SMS, trim the greeting dammit. Or just wish me Good Morning. That'd do just fine. The last thing I'd want when I wake up everyday is having to put up with poor English. Maybe its just me, but I'm sure there are others on the same frequency. People who just can't help but cringe in disgust whenever someone says "Irregardless".
THERE IS NO BLOODY SENSE IN THAT WORD. Its REGARDLESS. The "LESS" already brings about the contra sense in the word "REGARD". If you add another "IR" as a pre-fix ever again, I'll smack your bottom with my hockey stick.
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A few seconds later, I received another text. This time, from my number 2, Colonel Imraniov Cosmetischiov. He had also received the poorly grammatized text message and feels terribly sick in the stomach. I told him to hold in it, and inform our Communications Officer, Leftenant Didinho of the 67th Orange Wave Brigade to alert our men of the impending match cancellation.
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The plan had worked. I was beaming in joy and squirming in celebration in my queen sized bed. From being scheduled to play 4 gruelling matches during Ramadhan, we now only have 1 left.
We had officially used our 1 match postponement entitlement for the game on the 28th of September. Reason quoted was it being too close to Hari Raya.
The next cancellation for the match on the 14th, came about when we received word from the organizers that our opponents could not field sufficient players on that given day. Random blessing? Perhaps.
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The Hobo Devious Board, (HDB), had come together 2 days ago, to plot the next 'forced' cancellation of a game during this blessed month.
During the meeting, I lauded the chairman, Zainini Wainini, one the success of their previous operation. Blackmailing Heaven Eleven into cancelling the game by threatening to disclose their club secrets to the mass media was absolutely brilliant. Apparently, during our match-up against them, our resident Sharman, Arepa Nigeria, noticed that Heaven Eleven actually consisted of a dozen divine heavenly residents, not merely eleven. Upon noticing this discrepancy, he informed the HDB, and the rest, is history.
What the HDB came up with for this week was just a class act. Watch, learn, and be afraid Y Homeless, your game is next on the HDB to-do list.
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In other news, Marigold Malaysia Sdn Bhd reported a 65% drop in their shares value. Company spokesperson, Mr. Ai Wuv Susu refused to comment on speculation that their troubles are attributed to a significant loss in their fixed assets.
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