Good Evening and Welcome to the Friday Bulletin. I'm Tah-Eek Cumbeing.
International News,
Only in Malaysia can you say,
"...We are on track to take over the government"
and live to tell the tale.
On the home front,
We're now officially and legally able to hold public demonstrations within Hong Lim Park (Speakers Corner). Now controlled by National Parks and no longer by the Police, the former's C-O-O has this to say pertaining to burning effigies of political leaders on location,
"'We are not pre-judging anything. Just please, in burning the effigies, don't burn down our trees and shrubs."
Right ok moving on.
Hobo Affairs. FC HOBO faces a drastic shortage of players for this Sunday's match up with top of the table side XhengShiong (XS) FC, Bedok Reservoir Outlet. Hobo's Danish Team Manager, Jan Wow Zatsabigone, however insists that his side will be able to summon enough quality to overcome the odds.
"Ve ave at our dizpozal, members ov our B team, currently plying their trade in the Middle Earth League, Division 29. Hence it iz no issue to call them up. Ze only issue would be zat zey would looze out on physical presenze".
This reporter kindly reminded Jan of the clause in the ESPZen rules that do not allow Hobbits/Elves/Trolls/WalkingTalkingTrees to partake in the competition.
"Ahhhh Vell, back to ze drawing board", while walking away with his hands around 2 tasty Scandinavian twins.
Financial News. Hobo's stocks fell 15% following yesterday's report that Simpang Bedok Inc. will not be purchasing new LCD TV screens to cater to the growing numbers of weekend Premier League Freeloaders who just order one cup of Teh-O.
Hobo's finance department chief, Muhd Noh bin Mah Nee has taken blame for investing 45% of Hobo's liquidity into Simpang Bedok Inc, amounting to a whopping $8.45 loss in total equity. He has taken personal liability for such a jaw dropping error, and will be be-headed during our pre-game warm up come Sunday.
Shareholders who have been promised payouts, will have their dividends paid in marshmallows for this FY2008.
Sporting News. Gao Ning goes boo-hoo over the No-Coach fiasco during his Olympic match up against Croatia's Tan Ruiwu, no you heard right, not Miroslav Sukuredovic. (Crap They really are everywhere).
Apparently he isn't too happy about being the women's team sparring partner either. He attributes his feminine backhand grunt as a result of being subjected to the above.
"...I ended up spending more than half of my six-day training week sparring with them.", Gao angrily confesses as he nervously bites his pink-painted nails.
"I've nothing to say to them," he said. "Their actions proved that I'm not important to the team. I'm not even a second-class citizen in the squad. I'm a third-class citizen."
This reporter spewed out his lunch after hearing the last line.
Good night. I love you ma.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
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