F.C. Hobo's Fan Box

Sunday, February 22, 2009

PMR: 20090222

Hoardes of fans gathered outside the FC Hobo Clubhouse along Tampines Street 45 to demand an explanation for the horrendous start to the new season. Mobs of angry fans, mostly made up of the fanatical right wing fan club known as the Hobo Ultras even clashed with Riot Police at the main courtyard facing block 498F, causing civil unrest and damage to property.



Bystanders and neutral observers described the scene as utterly disturbing, with one member of the resident's committee, Mr. Wee Lup Pot, in utter disbelief at the fanatiscm displayed by the fans over a such a silly game involving grown men chasing a ball wearing sexy tights. This reporter noted that the man was probably definitely under the influence of coccaine.



A spokesperson for the Hobo Ultras demanded an explanation as to why their beloved club has suffered 3 defeats on the trot , despite breaking the bank thrice to sign big name players such as Goalkeeper Ibni, Left Winger Zulkarnain and Centre-Back Shirazee, costing the club a total of 17.5 glazed donuts.

The spokesperson for FC Hobo released the following statement from the balcony of the 2nd floor clubhouse, in an attempt to soothe the ever growing crowd.


"The board of directors have looked into the matter. It is easy to put the blame on the manager following the string of poor results that have left this proud club rooted to the bottom of the league table. Our aim for promotion is still valid and realistic."




"It is undeniable to note that despite playing attractive football, while dominating every game, with the exception of the second, FC Hobo has failed to make their tremendous amount of possession count for goals. The board of directors have informed the perturbed manager of their concerns for points, and not for Arsenal-like passing impetus."


"Take for example Liverpool and Chelsea, who play extremely unattractive football, managing to always grind out a result despite having a brand of football equivalent to a drunk monkey attempting to finish a triathalon. If ugly, effective, result oriented football is what's needed, it is what we will now attempt. It is always difficult to score when every opposition plays 'total football' by putting 10 men behind the ball."


FC Hobo lost their 3rd game on the trot by going behind to Bumblebees FC 2-3 in a hotly contested affair, with the heat mostly stemming from the scorching weather. New signing Zulkarnain bagged a debut goal for himself, thoroughly deserved following a performance that left the entire opposing defence running around in circles. Zulkarnain even had a strong penalty shout denied after being sandwiched by 3 defenders after being clear through on goal.


Azhar Shukor claimed the man of the match award, and an early birthday present for an inspired performance that will leave plenty of reflection on the part of the more renowned and technically gifted players. Showing plenty of grit and determination throughout the 80 minutes, he got himself a goal after finding himself in a wonderful position to slot home a low cross from Zulkarnain.

Firdaus Picanto nearly bagged the equalizer minutes from time, but being a member of the team with the most shots on crossbar and post to have ever existed, smashed his swerving half volley from 20 yards smack onto the underside of the crossbar, bouncing 2 feet behind the goal line, before spinning out. The non-existent linesman failing to spot the goal and play went on to the relief of the opposition, and dismay of the Hoboes.


Stand in Captain Andersophan had a field day lamenting on missed chances and taking it up to the referee post game regarding the dubious decisions. The latter had a quiet word with the man regarding his own misdeeds of losing his cool with an opposing number, which threatened to spin the heated game out of control. In his defence, Andy had this to say,



"Myself and fellow physical diplomat Zeck Zaini had every reason to unaggressively confront the player as he clearly kicked out on gifted long legged Ukranian playmaker Imraniov, totally unprovoked. We would have gotten even the Ultras into it, if the poor fella hadn't profusely apologized post match. Besides, the match was boringly uneventful, non-footballing wise."

Nonetheless, another 3 points lost, and FC Hobo has to immediately seek better results from the next game onwards, if they were to turn their season around. Clearly the saying, "Lose with style" needs some serious reconsideration.


This is Tan Mei Mei, Channel Hobo News, from the Hobo Clubhouse, signing off.

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